My heart races every time I think of my discharge,
Allowing myself to accept that my time has come to an end, there is no more time to recharge.
I’m laughing and smiling behind my feared face,
Although in preparation; i’ve had leave and it’s allowed me the time to embrace,
In ways possible and other ways not, I am happy i’ve come this far and that’s left me delighted,
Although the feeling of fear of the times before that occurred and discharge seems farsighted.
When explained by my psychiatrist that it could be as soon as Wednesday, that’s when I learnt that I was still to frightened.
The thoughts alone, I fear, the more the thoughts occur, the more my chest tightened.
My safe factor can’t always be the psychiatric ward,
The feeling of fear inside and the thoughts internally cant be ignored.
However possible, I can’t stay dependant by walls and a secure team of professionals,
I feel I have to agree, after all, they are the specialists.
I’ve had my good days and a lot of bad days, mentally, emotionally and physically,
However so, it’s to be accepted and though I still feel the pains, it’s now just a source of sensitivity.
Where times before my admission, all I dwelled on was the fact of death to come sooner than expected,
It felt like years, howso it wasn’t until I was admitted that I was theraply directed.
So i’m hoping I can manage alone, something I struggled with in the past, I pray i’ll be able to cope,
With faith and goodwill, a positive mindset and a plan set for my future ahead, I can only at this stage live in hope.
I don’t want to be this and although diagnosed, I will try my hardest to fight against what I call a demon,
However scared, i’m not ashamed, I’ll fight this if I have to for years, but for sure i’ll forever win and come away beaming.