I’ve had many a Christmas which I’ve enjoyed and many I’ve said was the best because Santa got me everything I asked for, I had many a Christmas which just went tits up through my mums drinking problem and having separate parents, there was always arguments who was going where.
However this year has been no secret that my mental health had slowly slide it’s way back into my life making some things very difficult and other things not worth living for and if you’ve read my previous blogs you’ll understand more that my mental health just doesn’t end with anxiety and depression, but other illnesses such as PTSD, and a Personality Disorder. Conditions all caused by history. The lead up to Christmas was painful as always, my fathers death anniversary and not something I’m unhappy about, but it brings me great anger. This December I spent in a Psychiatry ward, sectioned under the mental health act, but was grant a two night leave over Christmas.
Christmas Eve was stressful to start with, I was out of hospital and an couple of hours later I was down the street panicking what am I going to get Andrew, thank goodness for my sister who allowed me to run out of the store taking panic attacks. I got sorted in the end, coming home, wrapping presents, making space under the tree for the gifts of mine.
Andrew was home, we got into our comfiest pyjamas and we enjoyed the festive tv programmes whilst rubbing each other feet, snuggling up together and before we new it, we fell asleep and woke up with the blinds pulled, the Christmas lights glittering and the candle flickering. It was just perfect. Kissing each other, hugging and then it was present time. Well I was well and surly spoilt rotten. I was and half. Andrew well and truly spoilt me rotten as always and my love for him as it does everyday got stronger. We began to prep dinner, visit the family and exchange Christmas kisses and hugs. It was just perfect.
Every year, I have my family around the table for dinner, however this year was just Andrew and I, snuggled on the sofa eating our Christmas dinner and stuffing our faces with chocolate as if it was going out of fashion.
We headed up to bed and it felt like heaven, considering I spent the majority of my December on a hospital bed, my first night home we slept on the sofa and thud was just cotton wool all over. We snuggled kisses and cuddled and put Netflix on and chilled, but that wasn’t the case, with my medication I was out like shot.
It was Boxing Day and again what a delight to wake cuddled into the man of my dreams, however we soon had to part when I had to drive Andrew to his work then I visited family and met my mum who brought back to the ward.
I can truly put my hand on my heart and say how much of a fantastic Christmas I had, it was filled with presents, kisses, snuggles and lots of festive fun. Truly the best Christmas of my life.
You truly don’t know what your missing, until it’s gone.
– James Keenan