Anxiety, depression, PTSD & a personality disorder, it’s a shock to the system like an ice bucket of ice cold water.
I open my eyes and see nothing but demons, and that’s when I knew I needed to see a doctor.
I’ve got a worthy cause, I guess that gives me some sort of immunity,
Or is it just me, just another lost soul, overseen by our community.
For all I have now; is a bed, four walls, a locker and me,
This isn’t the person I’ve strived to be.
I want the old me back, that guy who laughed and joked and was full of humour.
I need focus, I strive it bad, I need concentration to help progress my future.
Sometimes things are said which makes situations tough,
Situations mostly up hill, will make it real rough.
When this problem gets on top of me, I feel low and down inside,
I’ve wanted to let somebody know; I needed to reach out sooner, the more I tried the further I ran to hide.
So here I lay on this horrible uncomfortable bed,
Day by day, having to speak of my experiences being those I find difficult to forget that still remain fresh in my head.
I’ve been here before, although a different ward, just a week apart, I’m back in hospital , but this time sectioned.
Being here, being my safe place, it allows my emotions to enable me to reach out to those I’ve never mentioned.
As times move on i’m learning how to control, I’m gaining faith in myself and identifying my safe factors.
Despite what happens daily those negative or positive, I’m learning it’s the past and to introduce new chapters.
I’m focussing on me, I’m the important one, it’s not about winning or looking attention; it’s about gaining justice,
But for now, for me, it’s about changing. Disposing of the pass and introducing the new, something that won’t happen suddenly or over night but with great patience and allowance, it will come through practice.
Recovery is a process that will take time. It’ll take patience and everything I’ve got.
A feeling of peacefulness as my body eases and my mind unties it’s knot,
It will not be easy and it will remain difficult. It will be a fight each morning as I wake, but it is possible.
It’s going to be hard and a challenge, but hard is not impossible.