He was a Man who was meant to be my protective factor,
A man to tell me when wrong, during a fatherly lecture.
Instead he’s gone, he took the easy way out and now deceased.
When all I wanted was a father to love and not a beast.
He was a predictor, a dad, a man who should have shared my love,
A monster he became, a man who acted so tough.
He beat me silly, he hurt me sore and punished me bad,
Now; what hurts most are memories left, those that make me sad.
A father he should have been, a dad I should have called on, but never a pedophile.
A man turned so disgustingly, a man who’ll always make me feel vile.
He targeted his children’s mother, provoked with anger.
Then turns on his daughter that broke my heart, using the biggest dagger.
She was a little girl, my little sister, a girl so loving and no less younger.
When exposed he took his life, he ripped my heart and left me drooling with anger.
I often cry, have nightmares and ask questions that can’t be answered,
Emotions high and feelings low, a life in ruin I feel shattered.
He hurt me physically, emotionally, but more so mentally.
It was if he used me experimentally,
I wasn’t his real target, although I wasn’t alone.
It was his victims as women, his daughter more so, someone he controlled and made feel crone.
You gave me my sisters and despite all, I will love you for that.
However forgiveness, I’ll forever not.
You’ve stripped away my trust, those in health and wealth,
But what you’ve done that hurts the most, you’ve affected my mental health.
You’ve given me tears and caused me great pain,
memories still fresh and nightmares nightly, a life now delegate that’ll never be the same.
You aren’t the main cause, but you are one of the biggest factors of many,
But I swear, a name I’ll not use, you’ll never be my daddy.
So here is to you da, I will fight this and prove you wrong,
I’m empty at present and I will find my strength & become a man so strong.
I will recover, I’ll never want to be anything like you and would I want too.
To me you’re just a beast and all I have to say to you is simply fuck you!
I’ll prove you haven’t destroyed me and I swear on that,
I will face you and fight against you in some sort of format,
You’ve played with my head, stamped on my heart you’ve broken me in ways thinking your smart.
You’re nothing but a sadist and a coward and my only wish for you; is if you would’ve been caught at the very start.
– James Keenan