Finding my voice!

I’ll now tell you a little tale about a boy so young, fragile and frail. I hate myself, I took the blame, living in shame.

Emotions fill with the words I write, chills down my spine and a blurry sight.

You took your insecurities and made them my own, it’s your face that still haunts me, especially when i’m alone.

I could only see your shades of grey when I was with you when you made me stay.

You told me you wouldn’t hurt me and you did still, I was hurting as my eyes began to fill.

Before me you stand, your movements echo the empty room, you lean over me with a pose as you begin to groom.

Reluctant to take part and force applied, I’m scared and shaken as my hands are tied.

You used me, you abused me, you stripped away my pride. You took no acknowledgement of the hurt I tried to hide.

Wondering when it will stop, I sat vacant and fragile, asking myself is this normal or am I going senile.

I often thought of running away or stepping onto the busy road, my future seemed so black and dim at only eleven years old.

This isn’t what life should be, where did it all go wrong? Something brave inside, makes you stay, but you don’t know for how long.

After the abuse, the threats occurred, the warnings of his actions where not to be heard.

Everything was made out to be fun and games, despite the consequences, I was plagued with gifts and never short of expenses.

No matter how safe I am or what anyone said, you could be gone from the world, but you’ll forever be at the back of my head.

I close my eyes and you still haunt me, an image I struggles to bare. I hate that you still surround me, even though you’re not there.

I’ve found my voice and I don’t know how, you’ve played with my head for too long now.

I’m bigger, better and braver too, you’re gave me problems and its down to you.

I’m now an adult and you’re the guilty one. I hope you get whatever comes to you, because I won!

– James Keenan

(TheDoorsToWisdom)

19 thoughts on “Finding my voice!

  1. Reblogged this on Theory Of Love: I struggle too and commented:
    People’s struggles are real. Talking about them helps us all push through the pain that is sometimes — sometimes — humanity. We all need to step out of our pride; our problems don’t have to isolate us, but can bring us together. If we can recognize this, then we are on a path toward true cohabitation. #TheoryOfLove #IamReal on social media.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Such a powerful poem, illustrating what a beautiful voice you have. Your words echo’d mine at times, opening up has been both cathartic and positive to me, I hope it helps you too. Huge well done for writing so honestly, I know others will gain strength from it too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’ve no idea what this means to me. Thank you so much for your positive words and your beautiful feed back. I hope to reach out to others by my blogs in hope to spread awareness in such a raw subject. Please be sure to reblog, share and keep tuned for more of my writing .

      Like

  3. Haunting beauty…thanks so much. Reminds me to keep a forgiving heart not only of others but myself as well. Thanks so much. I have “memories” of sexual abuse, yet at such a young age…it haunts me to know they may possibly be real. God revealed one repressed memory to me; it was bad enough…one around age 3…It will happen all in His timing I suppose…of course, I have to be careful with that one…they would say I am delusional again if I spoke of it. Much love and light to you, madcow

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s