Being true to myself!
It takes courage and bravery to open up and to be yourself, but for me it has been harder than expected. For so long, I’ve felt like a chain has been tied around my neck and has been dragging behind me, stopping me from being the person I wanted to be. Most of my life has been an uphill battle, however i’m now able to be that person and no longer need to battle and now I honestly couldn’t be happier.
It may come as a shock to some, but not all and my reasons for my published piece isn’t because I feel the need to inform people or to show off, it’s purely written for my mind body and soul and allowed me to be the person that I am today.
I have been in a relationship for eleven years with Rachel and three of those years i’ve been married. Honesty has always been important and those I truely love have always been my main focus in life and when you love someone so much, you open up and tell them everything. Thankfully Rachel and I where friends before we started dating and as soon as we began our relationship, I told Rachel everything about my life and how I identified myself as being bisexual.
With a heavy heart, we since have seperated and took different paths in life, the time we spent together and the memories shared will always be special and will forever hold a special place within my heart. I pray to thank my Angels for allowing Rachel to be so accepting, supportive towards my life decicisons; giving us the strength to be friends.
Since my seperation, i’ve fallen in love with a guy called Andrew, a man I can happily and proudly call my Boyfriend and for the very first time, I feel completely comfortable now to classify myself as a gay man. I feel complete, comfortable and happy for allowing myself to be that person that I always knew I wanted to be.
My sexuality doesn’t difine me as a person and being gay doesn’t make me any less of a man. I’ll love whoever I want, it’s an emotion I can’t go against. I’ll continue to follow my heart and own my own happiness as it’s the only emotion and it’s my main priortity for my own acceptance.
May 2015, I travelled to Cambodia to Volunteer and to hang out with a friend. As soon as I landed, the Country instantly struct me. I fell in-love with the culture, the spirtual side, the people, the proverty and my friends… Filled with emotions, I was able to speak openly about my sexuality to my new friends and just by doing so, loosened those chains from around my neck and the weight from my shoulders. That feeling felt incredible.
I remember coming home, speaking with Rachel and telling her how I felt and how I wanted to be open and tell my family about my sexuality and without any hestitation Rachel agreed. I remember that day when I called my Mum and told her I wanted to speak with her. I called to the house and sat my Mum and Sisters done, I told them how much I loved Cambodia and how spirtually connected I felt and how I was able to be myself and with the nerves bubblying up inside me, the fear of judgement and hatred, I knew if I didn’t say then, I never would. I took a deep breath, tightly closed my eyes, put my head down and told them I was bisexual. With no time at all, I opened my eyes and seen smiles across all their faces. Instantly that fear vanished and my heartbeat felt normal. My Mum cried and emotions were high, the hugs they gave me where tighter than any before. I was bursting with pride!
My Family have been amazing, the support they’ve given me throughout me coming out as a gay man has been phenomenal, the love shown has overwhelmed me and the encouragment of acceptance has helped me overcome the fears of hatred, but judgement still lies.
After my marriage seperation, it was difficult to get involved with with anyone else, let alone Andrew, though it wasn’t a desire, it just happened and that feeling of attraction didn’t push me away. Andrew came into my life as a friend, we hung out together, we laughed, joked and shared stories and sooner than we both thought, we shared our feelings and those feelings where mutrual. Everytime we were together, the smile on my face only ever got bigger, the butterflies were constant and thoughts of spending everyday together overwhelmed me. I was scared I was going to lose someone special, who came into my life so unexpectantly. It wasn’t long before we expressed to one another that we loved each other and now living togther, i’m extremely happy with my sexuality, my life decisions and i’m super excited about my future.
I’ve come out to my family, i’ve told my bestfriend and now it’t time to tell the world, not because I feel the need to do so, but because I want too. I’ll expect hatred from those who have problems with my decions and judgement from those who knew my marriage, but I can only control my own emotions and decide who I fall in love with, whether it’s fate or not, I’ll love whoever makes me happy and that person is Andrew. I feel complete.
This is my life briefly, my experience coming out. All this wouldn’t be possible without the support of my Mum, Sisters, Rachel and Andrew. Without their understanding and acceptance, I wouldn’t have been able to express the above and be the person I am today.
My advice to anyone going through a simular situation to mine, married or not would be to be honest without fear, to be open and most of all do whats best for you, whatever makes you happy. Be brave, keep smiling, people should love you for who you are and not what you are.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson